i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
