similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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