Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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