I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
