I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
