One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
And then my night got REAL pukey
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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