i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
