You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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