jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
