A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
