1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
