I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
