The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
