i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
