You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
