I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Two words: blizzard sex
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
