I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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