I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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