had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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