i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
