saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Apparently you make a good broom.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
