Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
