Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
