sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
