Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
