Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
