I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
