cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
