Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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