i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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