She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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