The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
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