If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
