I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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