Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
