The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
and you fell through a lawn chair
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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