I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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