I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
