mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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