Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
