I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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