he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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