he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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