I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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