those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
