Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
where are you?
Hypothermia
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
