What did we do last night that was yellow?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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