I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Randomize
