I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
