He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
